Too Much for Fiction
Some things in life are too much to be used in a fiction novel. As a classic example one particular day I was on my way to work. I worked in air traffic control at that time. As I walked across the aerodrome towards the control tower I was stopped by a military policeman. “Hands in the air,” he said gruffly. While I stood like an idiot with my hands skyward a second military policeman searched me. “What you looking for?” I asked in all innocence. “Just be on your way,” he grouched. I left and only minutes later again I was accosted, this time by no less than three military police.
“Hands on your head and stand still.” Again I complied and two of them this time went through my pockets and thoroughly searched me. Eventually and with no explanation they let me go. I reached the tower. “Sorry I’m late,” I apologized to Flight lieutenant Holland. “But the snowdrops searched me twice on my way in. What on earth are they looking for?” He sort of grinned and said, “They have lost an airplane.” Of course its obvious, someone tucked it under their jacket and smuggled a 16,000 pound machine off the airfield without anyone noticing. Military intelligence is most certainly an oxymoron. A friend of mine was hitchhiking to work and became stranded only five miles from his destination. The time was five thirty in the morning. Passing a lonely house set well back off the road he noticed a bicycle more-or-less discarded and lying very nearly out of sight in the ditch. Obviously the thing had been stolen and thrown away. Recovering the vehicle he gazed around – no one in sight. It represented the perfect transport for the last leg of his journey. He decided to use it and later in that day hand it in as a foundling. Only a mile to go and a police car pulled him aside. The constable was very polite and asked why he was bicycling on that particular road. “I’m on my way to work.” “I see,” said the cop. “And do you mind if we have a look what you have in the panniers?” He hadn’t even noticed them. “No, of course not. I found the bike, you see.” “I see,” said the policeman with a grin. “And these burglary tools just happened to be in the pannier when you found the bike?” “Yes,” he replied weakly. The Judge didn’t believe him either.
