The World’s Gone Mad
I was walking down the street when suddenly I saw this young lad – his hair had been died vivid green and formed into a crest of spikes. He looked like some bizarre cockerel with a green 30-centimetre crest – or if you wish, a crest of some one foot in height. “Wha’ yah looking at,” he smirked in a non-too-friendly way. “Your head.” “It’s a statement,” he proclaimed proudly. “You got that right, kid, it’s telling the world there’s nothing between your ears.”
Then you get ‘Fashion,’ which is only another word for ‘moron.’ Why anyone would wear baggy trousers with the crotch hanging round their knees defies human intellect. It looks, stupid, it’s hard to walk in, you have to constantly hitch them up, it chafes, and apart from that a ten-dollar pair of ill-fitting knickers cost $75 bucks. Sure, I can see the sense in that. You just have to look as stupid as the other idiots. There is one advantage I see for other people; if he’s a purse-snatcher or hold up artist, he won’t get far. No one can run in that garb, therefore I suspect if he wears baggy oversized pants, he must be honest. Another thing that totally defies my understanding is tattoos. There you have a beautiful young woman with perfectly smooth and delicate looking skin, and suddenly she sticks what looks like bird droppings on her shoulders or legs. Oh, close up you can see a bird didn’t do it, at least not the feathered variety. But why would you mar such lovely skin with so-called art scratching in dull ugly colours that looks like filth at a distance? There again men started the fad, but they were pirates anyway. I was doing a show at Joyceville Prison in Kingston Ontario, now that’s a scary place. The first thing I noticed was the tattoos, yup everyone – except the guards – walked round looking like an advertising hoarding for an ink factory. I asked one guard, “Why so many tattoos?” “It goes with the mentality,” he said with confidence. “If you’re stupid enough to be a criminal, then you’re obviously stupid enough to have tattoos.” And as for piercings, I can only imagine it has to be a total lack of either self-respect or intelligence. I absolutely hate it when you see, male or female with stainless steel zits, or more spokes in their ears than a bicycle wheel has. Why not dress like a normal person, have beautiful admirable skin, be polite and courteous and for crying out loud enjoy life?